TWO REDNECKS & LOGIC

Two  Rednecks, Buck and Bill, are sitting at their  favorite bar, drinking beer. Bill turns to Buck and says, 'You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes. Buck thinks it's a good idea and the two leave.
The next day, Bill goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.

'Logic?' Bill says.  'What's that?'

The Dean says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed  eater?'

'Yeah.'

'Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have  a yard.'

'That's true, I do have a yard.'

'I'm not done,' the Dean says. 'Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house.'

'Yes, I do have a house.'

'And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family.'

 'Yes, I have a family.

'I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual.'

'I am a heterosexual. That's amazing; you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater.'

Excited to take the class now, Bill shakes the Dean’s hand and leaves to go meet Buck at the bar. He tells Buck about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.

'Logic?' Buck says, 'What's that?'

Bill says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed
eater?'

'No.'

'Then you’re a queer.

 
 

THE HOTEL BILL

Next time you think your hotel bill is too high; you might want to consider this: My wife and I were traveling by car from Boise to Portland. After almost six hours on the road, we were too tired to continue, and decided to take a room. We only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When we checked out four hours later, the desk clerk hands us a bill for $350.

I explode and demand to know why the charge is so high. I tell the clerk although it's a nice Hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. Then the

Clerk tells me that $350. is the 'standard rate'. I insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to me, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for us to use. "But we didn't use them". ''Well, they are here, and you could have", explains the Manager.

He goes on to explain we could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas who perform here", the manager says.

"But we didn't go to any of those shows".  "Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies. No matter what amenity the Manager mentions, I reply, "But we didn't use it"! The Manager was unmoved, and eventually I gave up and agreed to pay. I wrote a check and gave it to the Manager.

The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check. "But sir, this check is only made out for $50.  “That's correct, as I charged you $300 for sleeping with my wife”. “But I didn't!”, exclaims the Manager.

 "Well, too bad, she was here, and you could have".